Megan Hart, Contributing writer

Receiving a cancer diagnosis is difficult, but the responsibility of telling friends, family and coworkers can be even harder.

According to oncologist Dr. Francisco Tejada, the most common sequence in which to share the news is family, then friends and coworkers.

"The timing is a bit more individualized and in accordance with the family structure and family and social support network of the patient," he says.

His practice is to inform both the patient and closest family member at the same time.

"It is always of value to disclose the diagnosis to the patient with the initial information about the process of care and treatment in the presence of such an immediate family member, and to keep such person always involved at each visit and interaction with the patient as much as possible," Tejada says, adding that after the initial information is shared, "it is up to the patient to choose with the other family member to convey the information to the other members of the family and friends and coworkers in due time."

But when is the due time? You may have shared your diagnosis with a spouse, child or sibling right away, but after that, who gets the news? The matter is purely personal.

"I usually guided my patients to do it at the time that all the information about the cancer was available, and when alternatives for care and prognosis of such care it was provided," he says. Tejada found it important for the patient and the family "to be fully aware of the diagnosis, treatment and prognosis, as it helps very much in the management and medical care of the patient."

After close family members are told, the usual decision is to share the news with other family members and close friends, though as with all the decisions relating to illness, the timing is completely personal. Some find it easier to write a letter or e-mail with all the details, while others prefer the more intimate approach of sharing the news in person.

Keeping in mind that some personal details may be passed along by well-meaning friends or family members to strangers or people you may not wish to share so much with, it's important to consider which facts and details are necessary to share and which are to be kept private. It can be disconcerting and even alarming to have to respond to comments and questions by people you're not close to, so be prepared to answer intrusive questions with a simple, "I'd rather not discuss that." It might seem rude, but the bottom line is that the most important person to take care of is yourself.

But what about work? Who should you tell there? According to the Cancer and Careers Web site, the answer is as personal as the choice to tell friends and family, and it depends on your work environment. If you're unable to determine whom to tell first, consult with human resources and let the staff guide and support you during the process.

Many people choose to tell their bosses first. The situation can be awkward and nerve-wracking, but can actually protect you overall. The American with Disabilities Act prohibits discrimination only if you've told your employer about your illness, so it's important to share the news with your boss as early as possible.

Your boss will likely want to know about your diagnosis and treatment and how both will impact your job performance. If you'll have to take time off work or will need a reduced task load, you'll need to discuss the changes with your boss and come up with something that will work for both of you.

You should be aware that once your boss knows, it's her prerogative to share the information with anyone else who needs to know. Again, just as with family and friends, it might be helpful for you to tell your coworkers or other members of the management team yourself, so you can control the information flow in a way you feel comfortable with.

Ultimately, the decision of when and how to share the news of your illness is up to you, but telling those closest to you can help provide a necessary support system to help you during your treatment and recovery.