Listen up!

Class is in session.

Total Nonstop Action wrestling hopes you shrugged off your post-WrestleMania hangover Sunday night and forked out more dough for a signature pay-per-view of its own. It's called "Lockdown," and every contest was in a six-sided steel cage.

So what happened? Never thought you'd ask.

New Japan Jr. Tag Team Championship Match: Motor City Machineguns (c) vs. Latin American Exchange vs. No Limit
What Should Happen: This looks like a caged-in spotfest to me, which is all it should be. No Limit will win these belts back, since they lost them to MCM in Japan a few months ago. Spotfest. Nothing more.

What Will Happen: This is the lock of the night. No Limit will get their New Japan Jr. gold back.

WhatDidHappen: MCM retained to keep their NJJ gold.

Challenge Match: Abyss vs. Matt Morgan
What Should Happen: This contest is between two warring former tag partners. Here, the first man to get knocked out or bleed loses. Actually, TNA bills this as a "Doomsday Chamber Of Blood" match -- but I thought that was simply too silly to write in the description above. As for what should happen, does it really matter? It's Doomsday! Run for your lives!

What Will Happen: When Doomsday comes, we all fall into the Abyss, do we not? Matt Morgan, playing the heel, loses.

WhatDidHappen: Matt Morgan held off Abyss for the win.

TNA Women's Championship: Awesome Kong (c) vs. Taylor Wilde vs. Angelina Love.
What Should Happen: I never tire of Kong's carnage. She should go to town in this one.

What Will Happen: Kong with the easy win.

WhatDidHappen: Love won in the end. Doesn't it always?

Challenge Match: ODB vs. Madison Rayne vs. Daffney vs. Sojo Bolt
What Should Happen: I have to pay for two ladies matches on one card? Why? Do I get a rebate of some sort if I sit all the way through it? Bad form, TNA. One per card, please. As for the match, we should get it over with as soon as possible. Sorry. Crabby.

What Will Happen: The newly-crazy Daffney will take this one.

WhatDidHappen: ODB was the victor here.

X-Division Championship Match: Suicide (c) vs. Jay Lethal vs. Abdul Bashir vs. Consequences Creed vs. Kiyoshi
What Should Happen: In this one, the field is narrowed down to two via pinfalls or submissions. When two are left, the winner has to escape the cage. I wish I could escape writing about this, but I feel trapped. Suicide? Why not. (That's just creative writing, kids. Not a call for help. Don't worry.)

What Will Happen: Those wacky funsters at TNA seem to love this Suicide guy. He'll retain.

WhatDidHappen: Suicide took this one, was predicted.

TNA/New Japan Tag Team Championship Match: Team 3D (Brother Ray and Brother Devon) vs. Beer Money (James Storm and Robert Roode)
What Should Happen: If the former Dudley's win, they're the unified tag champs. If Devon or Ray (New Japan champs) lose, the man who gets pinned has to quit TNA. What should happen is very simple: Team 3D should be the champs. Beer Money (TNA champs) should be renamed Real Boring.

What Will Happen: My beer gut tells me Devon will get pinned.

WhatDidHappen: Team 3D grabbed the NWA titles from Real Boring.

Lethal Lockdown Match:Kurt Angle, Booker T, Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner vs. Jeff Jarrett, A.J. Styles, Samoa Joe and Christopher Daniels
What Should Happen: In this match, it's one man in at a time, until everyone is in the ring. That makes for 2-1, 3-2 and 4-3 advantages for one team. Once everyone is in, a roof goes over the cage, with weapons dangling down. Pinfall or submission is the only way a team can win. What should happen? How about I get paid double for EXPLAINING THE RULES FOR EVERY STUPID MATCH IN THIS STUPID CONVOLUTED EVENT!!!

There, I feel much better. How about Daniels gets the pin over Angle?

What Will Happen: You know what, that's what I'm predicting. The good guys will win!

WhatDidHappen: In the end, Styles pinned Booker and the good guys won.

TNA World Championship Match: Sting (c) vs. Mick Foley
What Should Happen: This one has starpower, no doubt about it. If it were 1992. But it's 2009, and you're paying for a geezer-fest in the TNA pay-per-view main event. It would be nice if these two shocked me and put on a decent show. It makes no sense for Foley to win since he's a part-time wrestler.

What Will Happen: The main event is a lock. Sting to retain.

WhatDidHappen: Foley won to become the new TNA champ.

That'll do it. It was kind of a rough night in the predictions department. I'm going to do the responsible thing and blame global warming. Or is it global cooling?

Next week? It's back to WWE predictions, as "Backlash" comes our way. Plus: the return of our dandy podcast, "Old School, New School." (We took an unscheduled two-week break, kids.)

That's it! Scram, because class is -- dismissed!!

(Professor Wrestling is a masked employee of Internet Broadcasting, hailing from Parts Unknown. Got a question, comment, complaint? E-mail him right here. )