Your spouse looked good on the wedding day! What happened?

If the man you married thinks sweaty dog is a new fragrance and cheeseburger the mouthwash flavor of choice, it's time for a serious talk (from a distance). If teeth brushing, hair combing, showering after wrestling, or using toilet paper are considered fanciful suggestions, there's a problem.

If the woman you married pretends the napkin holder is meant for feminine napkins, it's time for a serious talk. If counting chins, hunting for food within the folds of her belly, or combing arm-pit hair comprises date night, there's a problem.

Does "'til death do us part" remain in effect even when you'd rather swallow your own vomit instead of kissing the thing you married? Doubtful.

Sleeping on the Porch Probability: Extremely High (and desirable)

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