Listen up!

Class is in session.

The "Smackdown!" crew laced up its boots for "No Mercy" Sunday night. What's happened? That's why I'm here.

Here's the stuff!

Challenge Match: Simon Dean vs. Bobby Lashley
What Should Happen: What? I'm paying to see this match? Is the talent pool that thin? Now I know Lashley is Vince McMahon's new muscle-monster, but why does he have to slum with the Dean of boredom? I'd make this a one-minute squash job.

What Will Happen: Lashley takes it quite handily.

What Did Happen: Lashley took it less than two minutes.

Challenge Match: Hardcore Holly vs. Ken Kennedy
What Should Happen: What? I'm paying to see this match? Is the talent pool that thin? (Serious case of deja vu here.) OK, so it's K.K. vs. H.H. -- get this one over ASAP. These guys, by the way, would make a great heel tag team.

What Will Happen: Has Hardcore Holly ever won a big money match? Not going to happen this time, either. The undefeated Kennedy wins this jobber joke.

What Did Happen: Kennedy got the pin.

Challenge Match: Legion Of Doom and Christy Hemme vs. M.N.M.
What Should Happen: What? I'm paying for a mixed tag match? Why isn't this just a straight tag match for the titles? Sheesh, talk about your chintzy booking. That being said, I'd make sure someone goes to the hospital. I don't care who or how, but this looks so bland, I want some fake carnage.

What Will Happen: Belts aren't on the line, M.N.M. wins the big tag match. That's how it works, kids.

What Did Happen: Christy pins Melina with the Doomsday Device.

Challenge Match: Undertaker vs. Cowboy Bob and Randy Orton
What Should Happen: What? I'm paying to see a handicap match instead of an all-out brawl between the Phenom and the Legend Killer? Could we at least bring out Paul Bearer to hit Cowboy Bob in the noggin with the urn? Sheesh, again.

What Will Happen: Cowboy Bob will be the difference as his kid wins.

What Did Happen: Bob and Randy won the casket match, and then lit UT on fire.

Challenge Match: Rey Mysterio vs. JBL
What Should Happen: Two of my favorites, but there's not a belt in sight. A shame. If it were up to me, JBL would get the cheap victory after Rey puts him through 20 minutes of h-e-double toothpicks.

What Will Happen: Rey seems closer to gold than JBL these days. Mysterio takes it.

What Did Happen: JBL wins with a clothesline.

U.S. Championship Match: Chris Benoit (c) vs. Booker T. vs. Christian vs. Orlando Jordan
What Should Happen: This should be a fun fatal four-way. If I were running the show, Jordan, who's been tapping out lately in record fashion to Benoit, would prevail at the end to get the belt back.

What Will Happen: Jordan in a squeaker.

What Did Happen: Benoit forced Christian to tap out, retaining the U.S. title.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Batista (c) vs. Eddie Guerrero
What Should Happen: Eddie, if it were up to me, would win this belt cleanly, giving Big Dave a lesson in aerial dynamics and ring psychology -- both of which Batista lacks in abundance.

What Will Happen: Upset pick of the night: Eddie steals the belt somehow. No one sees it coming but Professor Wrestling. That would be me.

What Did Happen: Batista wins the match by hitting Eddie with a Batista Bomb, following it up with a clean pin. So much for upsets.

And so much for my unblemished record. I was ABSOLUTELY PERFECT in my "Unforgiven" picks last month. This time around: three right, four wrong. Not bad, but surely not good enough for the dean's list.

Now scram!

Class dismissed!

(Professor Wrestling is a masked employee of Internet Broadcasting. He’s rooting for anyone but the New York Yankees to win the World Series.)