Dear DoubleTake,I can't be in a relationship with a married man. But the guy I'm with -- who's at my house every day -- will do things like this: He'll leave and say he's going to his mother's house; he'll call and then all of a sudden the phone goes dead; or he will go to get some food and then call to say he'll be right back.I doubt he's married -- he says he's not. He showed me his divorce papers from a previous relationship, but I don't want to go and look further. But whenever I talk to him about this he gets upset, or tells me to be patient and assures me everything will be all right.Also, lately I've had to check on my things because someone is stealing my stuff -- my elderly mother can't watch after it. I think he's a wonderful guy who lies and can't tell the truth to save his neck.What should I do?
BETTY SAYS:Let's break it down to two problems -- you're not sure if your boyfriend is married and someone's stealing your stuff.
The County Clerk or County Recorder's Office is available for public records if you want to try to find a marriage license -- so it's OK to snoop a bit. Those offices can help you figure out where to look further if you come to a dead end.
If it's designer labels that are disappearing from your closet, check local vintage stores to see if he sold them for cash.
Bottom line -- be honest with yourself. Trust your gut. Take a good, honest look at his habits the next time something's missing -- whether it's him or an object from the house.
If things start to get messy, find a locksmith and change the locks so that you and your mother are safe.
EDDIE SAYS:So, you know that he lies and think he'll lie about anything he needs to. Yet you believe him when he shows you divorce papers from a past marriage, which were not what you were asking about.
He doesn't think much of your intelligence or ability to act on your own. But maybe that's because you don't, either. Whether it's fear of being alone, a powerful attraction to this guy or something, you pretend not to see this clearly.
Really, you know that all of Betty's advice is just her way of saying, "You need to dump him, but these baby steps might help you get the evidence you need to finally go through with it."
I'd be more direct about it. End it now.
Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.E-mail questions to
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