A friend of mine just asked me what I'm going to be for Halloween. All I could think to say was, "Tired."

I have known for weeks what my children will dress as: a monkey and a bumblebee fairy. I could even plan a last-minute costume for my husband if I had to. But as for me, I can't even think about it.

Between two children who take turns with runny noses, a laptop that didn't survive my son's recent attempt to drink from a water glass, a sick babysitter who canceled two days in a row and a house that needs more love that I can give it, I'm wiped out.

Oh, and did I mention I'm six months pregnant?

I accept that I'm not the first priority anymore, but I wonder how I can get back on top of myself. At my baby shower more than a year ago, I received a spa gift certificate that I still haven't used. It just seems like a waste right now to spend time making myself look better. That's not to say I wear sweats all day or eat candy bars like every day is Halloween. I'm just frazzled.

"Welcome to motherhood," I can hear the parents snickering. They all told me that I'd never sleep again, that I'd have no time for anything, but I wanted—and still want—to prove them wrong.

I'm not just a stay-at-home mom. I have a handful of part-time jobs that don't pay very much but get me out of the house for a few hours at a time. My husband complains that they get in the way of the immaculate house he envisions. But if I didn't leave every so often, I wouldn't have the energy to even look at a dust rag or dishwasher.

But maybe my priorities are out of whack. Perhaps I'm trying to hold onto my old self so much that I'm failing to accept that I'm not her anymore. I am a mom, and a pregnant one no less. I am not capable of the same juggling act I used to pull off, running from activity to activity, hoping to find sleep along the way.

I can see my husband nodding in that lovely "I told you so" manner right now. He knows I spread myself too thin, but I believe that's just part of who I am. If I settle for one thing at a time, then I'm not doing enough.

Is doing one thing well the best way to go? Shouldn't I just be a mom, the best mom I can be? Do I need to drop the extra activities that I need to feel sane?

My time at home with my children is very fleeting, which is why I'm here. But at the same time, I'm trying to keep a foot, well at least a big toe, in the working world. When they are off to school in a few years, I want to work more than part-time. I am not planning on a big-deal corporate job that keeps me at a stuffy office for umpteen hours; I want to teach at a local college.

It all seems doable in my head, and yet I wonder how hard I have to work at it now to make it happen then. I have heard of too many women who stayed out of the game so long and never worked their way up the ladder the way they had hoped, or could have.

But there are runny noses to wipe, clothes to wash and rewash, a hungry husband, and a baby-to-be who needs his mom to sleep and take care of herself. I may not be supermom, but I do a good job at this nutty new life, at least the best job I can.

My kids come first, and I will never forget it. Even when they drive me crazy -- pressing the TV off and on, off and on, off and on -- I love them more. They are well taken care of and happy. I would give them anything.

I try to do too much beyond motherhood, but I am still learning the right balance. A mom can be a good mom without having to lose herself totally in the process. I may never figure it all out, but I am going to keep trying. I know my children will be proud to have a mom who has outside interests.

So who cares about Halloween? I can simply go as myself and if anyone asks who I am it's simple: a juggler. Not an expert juggler, but I'm working at it.

Laura Lewis Brown is the mother of infant twins. Her column appears every other Thursday.