Dear DoubleTake,
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years,
This past summer, he cheated on me with an older woman. Even though we are trying to work things out, he still talks to her.
He says he wants to be with me and not her, but I still feel like there is something between them. I know she still wants him; He's even told me that!
How can I get past them being friends?
He is shipping out in March for seven months, and he says he's worried about me cheating on him while he's away. But how do I know that he's not cheating on me again while he's away?

EDDIE SAYS:

Normally, you don't get to decide who your partners friends will be, even if you don't like someone or suspect that the friend would like to become something more.

The rules change once you know that he has cheated, however.

Assuming we're talking something more than a one-time slip of an aborted kiss, you have the right to say that he needs to cut off contact with this woman. If she were a coworker or something, you might have to show some flexibility, but if he can easily cut her out of his life, that seems like a fair thing to ask.

He may say that's you going too far. If he does, and decides that principle means more to him than staying with you does -- well, then you can move on.

BETTY SAYS:

It sounds like you're committed. But your boyfriend is out of line to confront you about the possibility of cheating when he's the one with the history of slipping up, not you. It sounds like a red flag. He's playing head games.

Perhaps he is thinking of keeping his options open while he's away. The only way to know is to have that conversation with him. It's doubtful that he'll be forthcoming about it, but who knows -- maybe it'll shed some light on why he cheated in the first place.

Be strong, and don't let him twist the situation by calling you controlling or paranoid.

Likely, he's scared to lose you, and wants you to be there for him when he gets back. But you must think of your own needs and what kind you'll have for the next several months -- and onward -- if this type of deception continues.

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