I would like to publicly thank Katie Holmes for being completely insane, and for giving me a great idea.

Last week's terror attack in England was particularly hard on me. I have friends who live in London, so after first spending several hours wondering about their safety (they're fine), I then spent several days wanting to punch someone.

It would have been OK if I had simply wanted to punch terrorists (actually, I still do), but I was being unnecessarily harsh on co-workers and my average use of three profanities per minute easily quadrupled.

Then, along came Katie. Thank goodness that in these trying times there are still celebrities to make fun of.

Katie, 26, is the soon-to-be Mrs. Tom Cruise. During a recent interview with W magazine, however, much of the affection she expressed for her future husband appeared to be filtered through what the magazine described as a "Scientology chaperone."

At one point in the interview, as Katie was describing her love for Cruise, the chaperone informed Katie: "YOU ADORE HIM."

Expressing your love for a person can be a challenge. If someone asked me to describe my love for my wife I might struggle to find the right words: "Well, it's like a really good day at the lake -- without milfoil or mosquitoes."

So, perhaps it isn't all that crazy for Katie to have a chaperone. Perhaps it's a very normal and intelligent thing to do, to have someone prompt you on your own feelings.

No, I'm lying. She's crazy -- very, very crazy. But I still like the idea of a chaperone.

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I need to get one of these people for my wife, Rachel. The chaperone could occasionally help her "remember" what a really great guy I am.

Rachel: "I am so upset with Chris. He hasn't done the dishes in almost two weeks."
Chaperone: "HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THE DISHES. HE'S REALLY GREAT."
Rachel: "On the other hand, he is a really great person. I think I'll do the dishes, even though it's his turn."
Chaperone: "IT WOULD BE AN HONOR FOR YOU TO DO THE DISHES."
Rachel: "Actually, I'd feel kind-of honored to do the dishes for him."
Chaperone: "YOU SHOULD BE NAKED WHEN HE GETS HOME."

I could put the chaperones to good use in my daily life, as well. For example, I could get one for my boss at work.

Boss: "Chris, you're 30 minutes late to work, again. This has got to stop."
Chaperone: "CHRIS IS VERY BUSY AND VERY IMPORTANT."
Boss: "But, of course, I understand how busy you are, so let's not worry about it."
Chaperone: "CHRIS SHOULD BE ALLOWED A THREE-HOUR LUNCH."
Boss: "In fact, you're so busy, you should take more time for yourself in the day. Don't worry about making that 2 o'clock meeting today."
Chaperone: "CHRIS SHOULD BE GIVEN A RAISE AND AN OFFICE WITH A WINDOW."

And I'd certainly want the chaperone to be on the job when I'm at a bar:
"EVERYONE WANTS TO BUY A DRINK FOR THAT GUY."

The more I think about this idea, the more I like it. It's brilliant. It's such a good idea that it makes me want to jump up and down on a couch.

Of course, things could get a bit hectic if we were all able to make use of chaperones. A chaperone might be misused. We don't want handlers falling into the wrong hands.

Just to be safe, the only person allowed to use them should be me. I know what I'm doing and I can be trusted. Really.

CHRIS IS YOUR FAVORITE COLUMNIST EVER. YOU WANT TO READ HIS COLUMN EVERY OTHER TUESDAY.

Chris Cope is married, with no children. His column appears every other Tuesday.