Celebrate Pig Day: Raise A Virtual Pig
Move Over, Bacon: Check Out The Site Swineonline.com
--Boss Hawg, host of Swineonline.com
Raising a pig seems easy, doesn't it? You've got your pig, you've got your slop, and eventually it all turns into bacon on the breakfast table.
Not quite. You've also got the pedicures, the pig inoculations, the beach ball exercises. And don't forget the midnight e-mails, as you'll learn on Swineonline.
It's a Web application that lets users raise and care for a virtual piggy by feeding and grooming it regularly, taking it to the virtual vet and making sure it gets plenty of exercise.
Similar to a real pig-raising competition, the site awards top pigs with blue-ribbon honors at the end of a five-day competition. (You can win real prizes.)
The object of the game is simple: Raise the best durn porker ya kin!
Real Farmers Don't Play With Their Food
Before you even think about becoming a Swineonline farmer, there's a few things you ought to know.
Rounds of pig-raising competition are played on a weekly basis. At the end of the round, your little piggy's going to slaughterhouse. Yes, he's cute. Yes, you've fed, groomed and e-mailed with him for a whole week, but he's not a pet.
If you have any questions about becoming personally attached, ask "Boss Hawg," the site moderator.
"My Pa and his Pa before him were great hoggin' men. If they learned me sumthin', it was this: 'Don't play with your food.' This here is a genuine hog-raisin' contest, not a virtual pet!" Boss warns. "Now don't get me wrong, I respect how y'all can attached to a pig. When this happens to me, I like to think that my favorite porker goes to into retirement at the end of the week."
Boss Hawg is willing to answer your general questions about the site, but raisin' your hog is all up to you. Boss says you'll only learn by doin'.
(Yes, many of us city slickers may not have a practical application for the skill of hog-raising. But the site still lets us escape our cubicle for a virtual visit t the country.)
One more caveat to this pig contest: Your pig has e-mail. That means that if your pig is laying in its pen starving to death, it's going to use its remaining strength to let you know it's not all too fond of you. You'll get a message something like this:
Farmer Sassy Girl:
But sometimes your pig might possibly send you a message that makes your day.
Mornin' Sassy Girl,
First thing you need to do is think up some names. You need a name for you -- think: something farmerish. And you need a name for your pig.
You'll sign into the site with your farmer name, and you'll correspond with other farmers using this name.
Then the Pig Farmer Aid Foundation will give you a loan for the purpose of covering the costs associated with raising a growing piggy. To care for you piglet, you'll buy supplies at the PigMart.
The Pig Mart is kind of like a mall for pigs. You have the general store, the vet's office and ... the beauty parlor (never know when your pig might need $59.95 makeover).
As tempting as it may be to go ahead and give your pig the the works at the salon, remember, your money has to last for a whole week. And pigs eat a lot!
Luckily, you can turn to the Slop Exchange for support. You can post specific questions about your pig in the forum. Or if you need immediate assistance or just need to vent, you can invite another farmer into the chat area.
NOTE: Be careful whom you reveal your pig woes to. Competition between pig farmers is known to be dirty at times.
Your pig will do a variety of things in its pen -- eat, sleep, exercise, grovel in the mud. Pretty much everything you'd expect a pig to do. Except for maybe one thing -- something Boss Hawg refers to as the "Pig Dump Function."
Boss explains that the developers of the game didn't forget that a pig would probably need to take a trip to the ... place that pigs perform the Pig Dump Function, but they weren't exactly sure how the pig could do this with dignity.
"There is where I interjected," Boss writes on the site. "My suggestion was that the pig needed some privacy and it should go in the outhouse. That's what we ended up doing, but it was never used. We pulled it at the last minute for aesthetic reasons."
Any time you want to see how your pig is faring compared to other soon-to-be rump roasts, you can check the Hog Board, which ranks all the players.
It's a big commitment, be assured. No shame in admitting you're just not ready, Boss Hawg would say.
But you can still play the pigpen. And if you've got a hankering for Pig Facts, click on.
Did you know that pigs and humans are very similar?
However, there are some major differences differences.
You can also brush up on your Literary Pig and Pigs On Film knowledge.
Date: Mon, 24, April 2000, 1:44 a.m.
From: pig@swineonline.com
To: molly@ibsys.com
I feel like I could eat a horse. If you don't
visit me pretty soon, I just might.
Signed Macey
P.S.: You can visit me by going to:
http://swineonline.tvisions.com/my_pigpen/pigpen.asp
Date: Mon, 26, April 2000, 7:44 a.m.
From: pig@swineonline.com
To: molly@ibsys.com
What a beautiful day! I love it when the weather
is like this. I think I will spend all day in my
mud hole. I hope you come and see me.
Love, Macey
PS: You can visit me by going to:
http://swineonline.tvisions.com/my_pigpen/pigpen.asp
Suuuuueeeee! Let's Get You A Pig!
Pig Chat
Now all this responsibility can get overwhelming at times. And while Boss Hawg is a knowledgeable farmer, he's not the best when it comes to compassion for the turmoils of growing your own pig for the first time.
Who's Winning?
Once you've got your supplies in order, go to the pigpen and meet your very own pig. (But remember: Be strong and don't get attached to that durn cute little critter.)
The bottom of your screen tallies your pig's vitals, including weight, hunger level and how much money you have left.
Did Someone Say 'Prizes?'
Prizes for the top-three point-winning porkers will be given out monthly. If your pig is in the top three, you will be eligible to win a pig-errific prize, such as this ceramic flying pig.
